Recently, a friend asked me when I knew that my husband was the man that I was going to marry. After I thought about it, I realized that I knew about four or five months after we started dating. We had started talking about our future and about marriage and I never had any questions.
He did everything right from day one. He was a gentleman. He made no assumptions. Sometimes in our relationships, there comes a time when a red flag is raised that we choose to ignore. People communicate pretty clearly through their words, actions, and body language who they are and how they intend to treat us. Sometimes – many times – we choose to ignore these very conspicuous communications. When I met my husband, everything about his words, actions and body language told me that he intended to treat me with kindness and respect. His words were clear. His actions were clear. Most importantly, there never came a time where I had to wonder or analyze his actions or non-actions to determine his angle. It was always clear.
He was honest and open about significant things. Many times it is our own impulse to be vague about significant things about ourselves that could impact a budding relationship. My husband is a Naval Officer. In the beginning of our relationship, he was very honest with me about the nature of his job, the seriousness with which he took it, and the real possibility that he would no longer be in the local area the following year. I appreciated and respected this. He gave me the choice of whether to proceed with the relationship and I made that choice knowing that he could be forced to leave before the relationship reached a point where we were ready to take it to the next level. Fortunately for the both of us it did.
He created a strong pattern of loyalty, reliability and companionship. One of the most common mistakes we make in relationships is placing too much stock in passion and romance without establishing a solid foundation of loyalty, reliability and companionship. Passion and romance are certainly very important, but alone, they don’t go very far. Passion, romance, loyalty, reliability and companionship went hand in hand for my husband and I in the beginning and to this day. It is something that we must also work to maintain as our marriage matures.
His simplicity overcame all that was complex. In the beginning of our relationship, my husband formally asked me to be his girlfriend while on a romantic evening down by the waterfront. It is something that will stay with me for the rest of my life. In asking this question, with such simplicity, he made no assumption about how I felt about him, he communicated to me how he was feeling about me, and he was open and honest about his intentions for our relationship: loyalty, reliability and companionship. That’s how I knew he was the one.