Long-Term Relationship Choices: the Bigs vs. the Aidans


Was this in Sex and the City? by barrymcgee

Was this in Sex and the City? by barrymcgee

I am heavily into my Sex in the City reruns these days.  I am at the point where Aidan just broke off the engagement with Carrie because of her reluctance to commit.  I was always perplexed about why Carrie let Aidan get away. 


Big vs. Aidan

If you don’t know Big and Aidan because you didn’t watch Sex in the City well, shame on you.  Let me help you understand.

Mr. Big is the older, rich and successful guy that would take Carrie out on the town, ride her around in limos and then promptly dog her out because he couldn’t commit to the relationship.  He eventually married a young socialite, cheated on his wife with Carrie and then got a divorce.  Carrie and Big then developed a platonic relationship, but he was always the one that broke her heart. 

Enter Aidan.  Aidan is the younger, more rustic, tall teddy bear sort of guy.  He is handy – makes furniture for his furniture store and would gut Carrie’s apartment and put it back together, better.  He wanted to commit to her and he wanted her to commit, but he got played.  He scared Carrie because he was so available to her, so loving, so in her best interest.  She ended up cheating on him with Mr. Big.  They broke up then got back together then got engaged.  He moved in, got too close and it freaked her out.  She wasn’t versatile enough to be with Aidan and he wasn’t city-enough to be with Carrie.  He broke off the engagement.  She broke his heart. 

A Woman’s Dilemma

What’s a woman to do?  Who’s a woman to choose?  I guess it really just depends on the woman.  If I were a fashonista, after all, living in New York City I might choose a Big-type myself. 

This is the classic bad boy versus good boy scenario. 

Carrie fell so hard for Big because he wasn’t available.  She only gets him in doses.  They break up, make up, and then break up in cycles.  He also perpetuates the lifestyle Carrie is used to and covets.  There is spontaneity, lavishness and novelty.  But, Big is always a short-term fix. 

Aidan, on the other hand, is the nice guy.  He takes care of her and her friends.  He is a gentleman.  He also meets the common stereotype of being male.  He loves sports, beer, and late-night television in his tighty-whiteys. He’s not as spontaneous, not as lavish, not as novel.  Once the everyday routine settles in, he isn’t the guy who is bedazzling, but he is the guy without the charade who is happy to just be with Carrie.  He is a long-term keeper. 

In the end, Carrie chooses Big for the long-term, but we never get to see how it plays out in the end. 

How We Women Get Jammed Up

Sometimes we don’t think long and hard enough about the long term.  We want it fast and we want it fun and we want the guy that brings that to us. What we fail to realize though is that the Big-types are so alluring because they are not available enough.  They keep us guessing and they keep us feeling never quite satisfied.  So, we try to work on the relationship, and find ways to get through to them.  We try to analyze them and figure out how to be the girl that captures their heart permanently.

We women get jammed up because it takes us some time to realize that we can’t change the man.  If we could just appreciate dating the Big-types for what it is – fast and fun – and just be ok with that, we could free ourselves from the constant emotional tug-of-war.  As we grow and mature, many of us come to accept this and learn how to seek out the Aidans for the long-term.  But some of us never understand this at all and become embattled with finding the right man.

Sometimes we spend all of our time trying to change the Bigs into Aidans instead of just choosing the Aidans to begin with. 

Who would you choose for the long-term?

WEDDED BLISS WEDNESDAYS discusses marital and relationship issues.  Although this is likely to be biased toward my own experiences in marriage and with relationships, I hope that you will join the discussion, ask questions, and suggest topics that you are interested in discussing.  If you like what you see here, please use the orange icon at the top right to receive my content updates by email or RSS reader.  


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Filed under marriage, Marriage and Relationships, Wedded Bliss Wednesdays

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