A girlfriend of mine recently told me that she had met her boyfriend’s parents for the first time. She said that she really enjoyed meeting them and really loved the dynamic between her boyfriend and his family. That got me to thinking about my husband, his family and my own family, and how closely the positive dynamics of our respective families mirror that which my husband and I have with each other in our marriage.
Somewhere In Oblivion, We Miss What Should Be Obvious
It is something that you may not assign too much importance to when you are young and dating or before you are established in a relationship. But, it is a mistake not to take notice of your significant other’s family dynamic once you are in a relationship that is becoming serious.
You may not think much about how your partner’s relationship with parents, siblings and even grandparents is indicative of how he or she tends to treat the people that are the closest. You may choose to not assume that the dynamic your partner has with family is indicative of how your partner will treat you in the long run. Though when you think about it, shouldn’t it be obvious?
Sometimes when we are in a relatively new relationship, there may not be many occasions to meet our partner’s family. But, once we do, and if there is a negative vibe flowing, sometimes we are resolved to not understanding the nature of these familial relationships. Sometimes we choose oblivion rather than choosing to acknowledge that there are negative moods and feelings among family members, which are problematic whether or not you understand their origins. If you ever find yourself in this situation, it is wise to ask yourself, is this the mood my partner is accustomed to among family? Is this my partner’s response to family in general?
In one of my previous posts about How You Know He Is the One, I said that there are many ways that our significant others communicate how they intend to treat us. The way they tell us, however, varies in both method and directness. Sometimes we get clues from things that they say to us directly, or the way they handle us physically. But sometimes, it is also clear from the way they treat others, especially those that are the closest to their hearts.
A Positive Family Dynamic Is a Very Good Sign
The first time I met my in-laws was at the airport. They’d come to DC from Puerto Rico to visit my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time. They had not seen him since the holidays one year earlier and I knew how much he had missed them. My first peek into the very positive family dynamic that he shares with his parents was in the very loving and emotional embrace they all shared at the airport that day. Since we had started dating, he had always spoken frequently about his family and about being home in Puerto Rico. I know that his family is a big part of his pride and that he cherishes them greatly.
I didn’t quite realize it at the time, but my husband’s family ties and the very genuine admiration and respect that he expresses toward his parents became a big part of why I adored him so much. As I moved closer and closer into his family network, and as I was able to witness how supportive and caring they were with one another, I felt I lot more confident than I ever had in relationships about our ability to have the same dynamic with each other long-term and eventually within our own family. I had also come from a very loving and supportive family and, without really appreciating it before, I came to realize just how important a positive family dynamic is to me. I also think that this factor is essential for any successful relationship.
At the end of the day, we love who we love and we may not cast aside our partners because their family relationships aren’t perfect. But, I definitely think it is worth taking note of your partner’s family dynamics, which could shed light on your own relationship dynamics at some point in the future.
WEDDED BLISS WEDNESDAYS discusses marital and relationship issues. Although this is likely to be biased toward my own experiences in marriage and with relationships, I hope that you will join the discussion, ask questions, and suggest topics that you are interested in discussing. If you like what you see here, please use the orange icon at the top right to receive my content updates by email or RSS reader.